Say Yes To Life, one simple way to improve family life.

Healthy Human Habit

Don't tell the Child "NO"

Say YES to Your Family

BE POSITIVE…

The Opposite of Negative. Sounds simple, Right. Almost too good to be true. Well, Really its Not. Too good to be True…. This simple and easy to implement Healthy Human Habit. Once you begin this small change you will begin to see results Right Away. Be Positive, Or at least Stop negativity the easiest way, In your words.

The Word “No” as Negative a Statement as Possible. This habit is extremely important to the communication within the family. Your Probably thinking well you cant parent without saying “No”,
But thats exactly what I want you to do.On every Level. That is Important, Every Level you will find it easy to answer all your childs questions without the word "No" and both of you will be both happier and better off for using this habit. Do Not Use No, take a moment if you have to but you will see that within a day or so it is easier than you think. one of the easiest of the Healthy Human Habits. Ill list a few examples once that becomes your goal the human mind likes to offer positive soloutions, this actually triggers your bodys natural systems to express success. it is for this reason that it is an easy habit just by changing the perspective from No to yes makes a move from negative to positive this makes us feel good and confident. but to the Hard work real simple just say anything ( No Lying) but not  'NO" give the reason why as a statement of fact, offer an alternative activity, be prepared think of what you would rather the child be doing, stop them and suggest they do the other activity. at this point you can easily redirect them while you clean a mess. the point is give them a reason not to, instead of saying "NO'. this is Much easier than you think just start doing your best NOW>
 Right. Lets examine that.

                Your child asks “Can I go straight out to play, and do my homework later?”

Normally your child does the homework Right Away, So you want to Say “No, Darling it is Homework time”

Well this one is easy. Once you make the decision to Not Tell Your Child “NO” in life you might find that instead you will say.

“Of course you can darling, as soon as we have finished the Homework”

Or

Darling this is the time we do our homework because its when your mind is still thinking of school, so we will get that task finished now, and Played once we have finished.

The Ladder has many more Benefits that will be discussed later. The point though is I’m sure easy to see. I decided early in my parenting research that I did not want to raise my family in a world of “No”. A byproduct that I didn’t really plan on was my son being raised this way. Never learned the concept of telling Mom or Dad “No”. This I see in public it blows my mind to see A small child tell the parent  “No”, even if my children argued with me they had been taught to communicate without the word ‘No”. this forces them to come up with real arguments with reasoning  as it also cause you (The Parent) to have to explain the reason or at least the better alternative solution. Either way it makes a positive statement from a negative one.

“Can I stay up late?” Instead of “ No, not tonight”

“Well honey you can go to bed now and if you like we can get up a little early, if you feel like you got enough sleep we will make breakfast, if you are still tired you can fall back asleep. This way no matter what You will start the day with plenty of rest.

Here on paper, it seems a lot harder to say that instead of a simple “No”. and in writing that might be so, but the simple response of the child with no argument left going to bed with ease is a lot easier then the back and forth debating that can result from the simple “No” answer. Again this example shows how it is a learning opportunity. This habit of “ Constructive Closure” to all questions is a lot easier than you may think. One simple requirement, Don’t use the word No. Right now think about the last 3 questions your children asked you. Now write the questions down in your Healthy Human Habit Notepad. Give enough room to write a small paragraph under each of those questions. For a final question write down the question your children ask most that you usually have to deny. I think the next step is obvious. Below each question write at least 3 Positive responses. Responses that DO NOT include the word “No”, “Don’t”, or “Cant’. Make one very short, an example might be(Tonight we will be going to bed on time.”) Do the exercise now.

Now you can see just how easy this can be. Make a Mental commitment to remove the Negative statement “NO” from your in home vocabulary. Challenge yourself at first, make it a game. For instance when you engage your family after this count each time you successfully change a No to a Positive statement.  You will find it be rewarding and be proud with each statement. Don’t over do it just keep it simple. As stated previously this habit has Many benefits and these benefits can be noticed immediately.  When you start this today realize that you are literally taking a Negative Stimulation out of the environment. This in itself lightens the mood by increasing the relative positivity around you and those involved. Normally your response of “No” would leave the child with only denial. Where as the positive statement offers an acceptable alternative, it informs Why, so now the child feels he or she as learned. Subconsciously I believe this gives the mind a sort of “Thumbs Up” an “OK” to change the idea they were planning.  In many ways the question presented on different levels can seem as a contest, a challenge, a competition to see who wins their way. In a Subtle way you have prevented this inter-family separation to take sides, from even happening. Just by changing the way you deny, decline, or refuse the request you can make them happy to embrace your idea. The word “NO” is quite powerful. In most context it leads to a negative unwanted response. We want to raise our children with love, thoughts of caring, peaceful enlightenment. All these ideas, Positive, and your teaching them to your children why? Cause they don’t know yet. Right we are raising our children because we humans have to learn how to live in order to make it in this world. So now we agree that they don’t  “Know” what they can and  can’t or should and shouldn’t do, or what works and what doesn’t work. Well its up to you to teach them now at the basic that sweet little toddler of yours looking at you with excited eyes struggling to as that question. The question he or she has been focusing on, because if they can stay up late tonight they will be able to do that awesome thing. The whole while they are bouncing with anticipation and you know that they cant stay up tonight. To say  “NO” is a slap to the little tot. tonight was so much fun but now it will never happen. We know this isn’t true. We know that like every other night teeth will be brushed, foreheads kissed and smiles in the morning. But wait remember, its up to us to Teach them these things, Right.   Well that’s ok cause they learned tonight, or did they. “NO”, what does that mean? What lesson was it? This example obviously uses the bedtime question. Perfect example. We all know that there are always “some” instances where we stay up late. So the child learned what, the only possible lesson from “NO” is that it cant be done, right. Well but the child knows and can recall times when he or she stayed up late, so that’s a little confusing there. So that leaves why, Well “NO” sounds negative (Especially if you are implementing this idea into a family with children raised with “No”) this is maybe a punishment, While the child thinks about why because as any parent knows they are constantly learning the whys of the world. And here is one that isn’t easy to understand, instead they just know that Mom or dad is mad, because you said  “NO” even after the special things they did and they helped you when you asked, so why?

See taking just one to decide How to say “NO”, ( Basically Educating), Will build a Stronger more communicative bond. But More importantly end with a Hug and a Smile, instead of tears and an Ultimatum.

Like all habits the more you do it the easier it will become. We humans naturally seek out positive situations and or solutions. I would recommend to put it on your calendar for at least 60days. Because of the Immediate positive stimulation (You didn’t have to say “NO”) it is an action with instant rewards. This like many of the Healthy Human Habits will have an Impact on you as well as all those around you. Your conversation skills will begin to improve within days. Not saying No and explaining why the alternative route or idea is. This creates an openness. Look at it this way, ask question answer NO. conversation over right? Well argument would be next step. Ok instead you return with a statement, neither saying yes or “NO” right at which point you either continue to discuss it or the child accepts (Quite possibly with JOY) the idea or plan you have. Either way, you just had a Positive Conversation with your child. This will increase the frequency and quality of communication within your family. Even though at first it may seem like your teen just rolls their eyes and walks away sulking. You are in fact Talking but even better he or she IS LISTENING because they have an interest of their on creation on the line. Now your taking advantage of the moment to share Positive statements. Because of the state of interest they are open and this is a constant contact. Think about it 5 questions that would otherwise be left quick or argued about become quality time in which the child is expecting a denial that really never happens. With a Toddler to teen this allows you a moment to teach your child how to handle the issue at hand and or why it is. This is so important. Think about  this child is often asking to find out a “why”. This is the way you speak to your family there are many reasons not to do it in the professional world, keep in mind though there are many situations it is useful. This habit is one of the necessary ones. You will find after a short period of time the family (even without explaining this idea) will begin to answer each other the same way. And the repetitive questions will begin to cease. The family will learn to communicate with clarity. The level of communication in the home will increase in just one week of the main parent, if both parents launch the task together the increase in communication would double. From toddler to middle age this simple rule in communication will Greatly Increase your Quality of Life. Thus making it one of the Healthy Human Habits. You have written your questions and answers and you will challenge yourself not to say “No” to a Family Member for the next 48hrs.

Family Support.

                This is like the rest is Great for the whole family. It is recommended for best response and results the following pathway can help the acceptance of the idea.

If only one spouse has initial interest and doesn’t feel the spouse will easily accept the idea, the best course of action is to implement the idea for yourself. Spend two days to a week, depending on the reluctance of your spouse.  Understand only you know your situation, I find that most can either attach themselves to the effectiveness or the ease with which it really works within a couple days. Once your spouse has noticed it simply fill them in and campaign for the kids.

Now with the toddlers and even younger children just use this as a gage. That’s Right, don’t say anything about it and wait to see how long it takes before your child goes an entire day without saying “NO”. it will probably happen sooner than you think. But it definitely gives clear evidence how they learn everything from us. That is another reason to teach them to decide instead of simply denying.

Older children, really like to Own their decisions. With them you definitely want to bring them in on it.  The best way is use this technique to create a week of Peace. As clever as they are they will probably call you out on this new change, if so there is the perfect opportunity, make it sound fun and grand as you explain it to your child and ask your child to help you by encouraging others in the family  and how to say yes to family and life. If they fail to call you out. After a week or so just pick out a question, a simple yes or no, something that could be either way like shower now or in the morning, pick one you can say yes to. When the child asks start the Positive replacement for “NO” but stop at a proper point and explain how you are trying not to use the word “NO” for a happier life. Once you have explained it ask your child what the reason was he or she made that request at this time, if possible come to a agreement that allows for Yes, just make sure that it ends with smiles. Chances are the next day you will have a diligent coach to help you on your quest to positivity.

Teens are a little more complicated. This habit will help the whole family even if you are the only one. With teenagers you need to feel them out  the reason is if you have bad communication presently this habit would probably serve you best if you just do it and not even acknowledge a change. This is actually recommended if you  are looking for ways to reach out to your child. If you are having issues communicating to explain what you are doing may come off as so trick or ploy. This would hurt the whole reason for using this to build trust and communication. Now many of Americas youth embrace new wave ideals if so be open and encourage the child to take a challenge and see who can do the best.  Either way give it at least 3 days at least two days that you are able to implement this idea with each family member.

 We are helping You to build a Healthy HumanHabit one that along with many other things may become part of what defines you. This Habit will improve your quality of life even once the family has moved on, easier than shaving, just ask yourself after all we just went over  Id say that’s just as, if not MORE important than shaving.

As it may come up this paragraph is to clarify. The word “NO” is usually what begins arguments. There is an obvious Benefit there. From loving memories to far less stress. Just for the amount of Negative interaction or Arguing  that is Prevented by this habit will dramatically increase your quality of life and is more than worth the simple effort required to acquire this “Healthy Human Habit”

Healthy Human Habit

“Say Yes to Your Life”

Rob Zane